| God knows this sweet child's heart |
I laid in bed last night struggling with this decision. Am I being too sensitive? Overprotective? Why isn't there a place where MY child fits in? How will it affect him long term if I don't take him out? How will my life change if I do? REALLY GOD? Am I really equipped for this, or did you mean to ask someone ELSE when you brought Charley into my life? I love Charley with my whole being. I would die for this child. But, can I be the best Mom for him? Will I be patient enough? Will I remember all of his therapy appointments every week and carry through with what they show me every day? etc, etc, etc,....as you can tell, my mind went to "California" with this, hence no sleep.
Charley is 15 months old. He doesn't roll, crawl, or walk. He doesn't feed himself, eat table food, or use a sippy cup. These are all skills that are required of him to attend a daycare class with children of his own age. Oh, I was determined that he could do it. For the first week, I practically forced the sippy cup, table food, and encouraged his therapists to work on his walking despite his abnormal movement patterns. It was "baby bootcamp" at the Prichard house....'till I got a grip.
I watched a crazy reality show one night called "Dance Moms" and I literally broke down crying! (Have you ever seen this show?!) I was being a "dance mom" in my own way to Charley. I was forcing him to grow up and do things he wasn't ready to do or maybe not even capable of doing yet. Did it really matter that he couldn't do all these things right now? Because I had watched how happy he was to play and laugh with the other toddlers his age on the first day of daycare, I just knew he could do it. Needless to say, it was not possible for him to accomplish all of these or (honestly) even one of these things right now. So, Charley was placed in the infant classroom with babies who cried constantly (literally! I don't blame him for hating it). He cried every day when I left him and kissed me constantly when I picked him up (I secretly loved this part, by the way). He didn't nap there and many times, when it was time to come home, I found him in a somber daze, sitting in a chair or swing. On the days he stayed at home, he was a different child. He was happy, babbled constantly, and always had a smile on his face. It wasn't the daycare's fault. They just didn't have an appropriate classroom for him.
"Fitting in"...isn't that a constant struggle for children with special needs? It breaks my heart that our society hasn't fully allowed these children (who are made in God's image, by the way) to be a part of a normal society. How many times have we given a disgusted look or thought at the adult in a wheelchair who is protesting or complaining about the rights of the disabled? I bet more times than we are willing to admit. Think about this...their struggle quite possibly could have started when they were just a baby. How would you feel if you never really "fit in"?
My heart aches for Charley because I know he loves to be with children his own age, even though he can't necessarily do everything they can do. I have asked Charley's therapists to be honest with me and tell me what his capabilities may realistically be in a few months. The initial goal of moving him to the "big boy" classroom in January is quickly approaching and sadly, will probably pass us by.
But, TODAY I am praising God that:
1.) I have been blessed with the opportunity to stay home with my child and be the one to teach him about all sorts of things, especially that Jesus loves him JUST the way he is.
2.) I have a husband that is willing to work so that I can stay home and that I have a mother that is willing to spend time with Charley when I need time away or to work a few hours.
3.)He trusted Curtis and I with this precious little life. Charley is our most treasured blessing. He is our SON.
I see lots of fun days for Charley and I in the future. I am excited to see him grow and mature into a young man that loves the Lord, no matter his circumstances. I am honored and willing to join God in this journey in raising Charley to know Him more.
Love to ya,
Shell
| Momma's "Big Boy" |
| Are you kiddin'? I'm no BABY! |
| Charley- after a day spent with Mommy! |