Merry Christmas Eve

It's early on Christmas Eve morning (well, early for ME) and I'm up before everyone else.  So I thought I would take some time to reflect on what happened on this day long, long ago to a woman named Mary.  I'm sitting in a comfy chair, in front of the fireplace, facing a beautiful Christmas tree.  I have running water for a shower later, and my child is sleeping in a crib with a mattress supporting his little head and body.  Life is good and I am so blessed.  Wonder if Mary was thinking the same thing on this day?

I'm sure she woke up early to "get on the road" with Joseph.  Bundled herself up and loaded the car...umm...donkey, then braced herself for the long journey to Bethlehem.  I wonder if she knew tonight would be the night that she would give birth.  I bet she had an inclination.  Imagine how miserable the journey had to be for her! Riding on a donkey for hours while you're 9 months pregnant!  Who thinks about that?  I know I never considered it!  Then, imagine the panic, as a new mother-to-be, when you hear that there are no rooms left for you to rent in this small town.  Again, I'm sure she had that nagging feeling that this was going to be the night.  Oh, the stress!  Only to find herself making a make-shift bed in a dirty barn with dirty animals and probably dirty hay for her precious, newborn baby boy.  What mother would not cringe at the thought of that!?  But, for some reason, I see sweet Mary, as calm as a cucumber, taking the wonder of it all in, and singing sweet praises to her new bundle of joy as the early morning light appears.  He was the Son of Man, after all...and she knew that!

My wish this morning, is that I could sit down and have a cup of coffee with Mary on the Eve of her son's birth.  What was it like to be the mother of Jesus?  Was she, like me,tired all the time...chasing after him as he scooted across the floor to danger or holding his hands as he learned to walk (all the while feeling like her back was going to break)?  Did she love being a "Mom" as much as I do?  What did it look like to raise a son who was sinless?  How did she survive watching her son being crucified on a cross?  So many questions!  I would love to have just an hour of her time this morning, for a little insight into her experience as a mother.

I feel blessed to see Christmas from a mother's perspective.  It bring tears to my eyes to think that it all began with the birth of a baby that changed the world.  What a glorious experience for Mary to watch her son change the lives of so many people around him.

As a foster mother and an adoptive mother, my heart longs to see the children that pass through my life make a difference in the lives of others.  I pray that I can be a "Mary influence" on them, all the while allowing God to be in control, directing their lives and leading them down the path that he has chosen for them. I hope that in a couple of years, when my own son, Charley wakes up on Christmas Eve with the excitement of Santa's arrival, I can gently teach him the real meaning of Christmas.  I want him to know that there was an arrival of a boy who gave us life...eternal life.  That's better than any gift he will ever get from Santa.

May you and your family have a blessed Christmas, with the knowledge that Jesus was born to give us the most awesome gift we will ever receive.  Thank you, Mary, for accepting the gift of Motherhood for this precious baby boy. 

Love to ya,
Shell

Stops Along the Way



The view from our guest bedroom window.  Wanna come visit?!  You're more than welcome!



I’m writing to you from the last place I EVER thought I would be living…California.  For a small-town, southern-midwestern girl, this is an odd place to end up.  Or is it? 

God has given me some pretty interesting life experiences thus far, so when something a little strange comes my way, my first response is to ask, “Is this from You, God?”.  In the 8 years that I’ve been married to my husband, we have moved EIGHT times and lived in SIX different towns or cities.  We have made friends with the homeless and the richest in the country, with the pleasure of knowing that many of those friendships will last a lifetime. We have fostered 3 children, experienced the loss of a child to a life exposed to drugs and homelessness, denied the chance to foster a son who would eventually  return to abuse and neglect, while also given the opportunity to care for a beautiful girl who will one day see how beautiful she really is despite the severe burns on her body, and given the most awesome gift of adopting our precious son. 

So I shouldn’t be surprised that God would take me across the country (from my family and friends) & plop me down in the middle of a country-side vineyard in a tiny town where I know no one. AND, my husband will be out of town half the time AND I’m caring for a son with special needs without the help of my family.  So what is it about this scenario that God thought I could handle?  Am I complaining?  Well, maybe a little…BUT, I know better.  I’ve been here before.  I have been in this place of utter dependence on my Creator and He has NEVER failed me.  He knows what he’s doing.  I may not see it or understand all of it, but HE has a plan. 

By now, you’re probably questioning WHY I would be complaining about living in a beautiful vineyard, nice weather, and a dream job for my husband.  I’m not, really.  I’m VERY thankful for the MANY blessings God has graciously poured out on our family, but I’m being real.  Even if our “outsides” look pretty and all “put-together”, our “insides” might be reeling with fear, anxiety, and disappointment.  I’m not there, but I do have my fears and anxieties that I have to lay at the feet of Jesus every night.  And, if I have those struggles, so do the many people that I meet everyday.  Friends and strangers.  Which brings me back to, “Why in the heck did God bring us here?”  He knew we could be used.  I’m not sure how yet, but I’m trying hard to listen and see what he’s doing around me.

This is a “Stop along the way”.  Along the way to my final destination, my promised eternal life.  I’m convinced that I should make the most of all of these “stops” allowing God to use and teach me.  Even our stop at home, in Missouri, with friends and family was life-changing.  Charley was able to grow to know and love his grandparents. I had the opportunity to work along-side some of the best therapists who share my passion for special needs children.  And I re-connected with friends who God intentionally placed back into my life. 

As I reflect on what God has been trying to teach me in the past several months, I’m reminded that He has a specific plan just for MY life (and YOURS!) and that all the “stops” are part of that plan.  

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord...(that’s for you, Mom!)

Love to ya,
Shell

Meeting Jesus at Bob Evans

Two weeks ago, on a Sunday morning, we met Jesus at the Bob Evans restaurant.  Yep, right there with all the other hungry, waiting customers crowding the entrance, was Jesus himself.  He first showed himself as a humble, older gentleman who kindly gave up his seat for Curtis who was carrying a cranky and hungry Baby Charley.  He then showed up as a sweet, talkative woman who asked  LOTS of questions for the frustrated Daddy who was carrying Baby Charley...As our names were called to be seated, we kindly smiled and said our goodbyes.

Of course, who was sitting in the booth across from us?....Jesus.  The kind gentleman and his talkative wife were sitting in the booth watching us awkwardly tumble into our booth with a wildly wiggly baby and two big bags full of stuff.  (Think packing for a one year old on an outing to church and out to eat for lunch...bottles, food, diapers, wipes, bible, purse, toys, etc, etc...)  By the time we got settled, we were exhausted and laughing at ourselves.  We acknowledged the older couple and said "Hello".  Before returning to their meal, they mentioned that they too had adopted two children.  You could see the pride in their faces and hear it in their voices when they told how their children were now successful adults with children of their own.

We continued to "try" eating our meal while keeping our sleepy and hungry Charley from having a major meltdown.  Not feeling well myself, my patience was wearing thin.  So, it was taking extra effort to remember that Bob Evans was not a "happy place" for a cranky little boy.  Thankfully, Curtis is somewhat of a comedian, so he kept me laughing, mostly at myself and my interactions with Charley.

Before the couple left, they stopped at our booth and talked with us a little longer.  They showed an unusual interest in us, but I attributed it to our common link of adoption.  It's nice to meet others who have adopted children and have experienced the things that we may encounter in the future.

A few minutes after the couple left, our waitress came to our table to refill our coffee cups.  Before she walked away, she said, "Oh, by the way...the couple in the booth next to you...they paid for your breakfast.  They told me not to tell you until they left."  She smiled and walked away.

Curtis and I were touched by their unexpected kindness.  Those people didn't know us and looking back, we probably weren't too engaging since we were busy with a fussy baby.  But it didn't matter.  They showed a Christ-like love to strangers.

They were Jesus.  They were His love, His kindness, and His compassion.

I'm thankful that they chose to be Jesus that day. 

To the strangers I meet along the way...I pray that I choose to be Jesus.

Love to ya,
Shell

Daycare is for "BABIES"!!

 

God knows this sweet child's heart

Well, for those of you who knew that Charley was at one time "kicked out" of daycare (ok, not really, but it sure felt like it that day), I'm proud to say that he has officially "dropped out".  Today was his last day.  Yes, I was the one to make the final decision, but his cries and the death grip he had on me as we opened the door to the building every day, convinced me that daycare was not for Charley.  His teacher sealed the deal with the statement, "Charley doesn't like the other babies.  He cries when he is with them, so he sits in an infant chair in the corner by the teacher." WHAT!!!!????  I just could not believe what I was hearing, but I saw proof when I picked him up that day.  That was enough for me to allow him to "drop out".  Don't get me wrong, Charley absolutely LOVES children, but his class was full of babies that were at least half his age or less. 

I laid in bed last night struggling with this decision.  Am I being too sensitive?  Overprotective?  Why isn't there a place where MY child fits in?  How will it affect him long term if I don't take him out?  How will my life change if I do?  REALLY GOD? Am I really equipped for this, or did you mean to ask someone ELSE when you brought Charley into my life?  I love Charley with my whole being.  I would die for this child. But, can I be the best Mom for him?  Will I be patient enough?  Will I remember all of his therapy appointments every week and carry through with what they show me every day?  etc, etc, etc,....as you can tell, my mind went to "California" with this, hence no sleep.

Charley is 15 months old.  He doesn't roll, crawl, or walk.  He doesn't feed himself, eat table food, or use a sippy cup.  These are all skills that are required of him to attend a daycare class with children of his own age.  Oh, I was determined that he could do it.  For the first week, I practically forced the sippy cup, table food, and encouraged his therapists to work on his walking despite his abnormal movement patterns. It was "baby bootcamp" at the Prichard house....'till I got a grip.

I watched a crazy reality show one night called  "Dance Moms" and I literally broke down crying! (Have you ever seen this show?!)  I was being a "dance mom" in my own way to Charley.  I was forcing him to grow up and do things he wasn't ready to do or maybe not even capable of doing yet. Did it really matter that he couldn't do all these things right now?  Because I had watched how happy he was to play and laugh with the other toddlers his age on the first day of daycare, I just knew he could do it.  Needless to say, it was not possible for him to accomplish all of these or (honestly) even one of these things right now.  So, Charley was placed in the infant classroom with babies who cried constantly (literally!  I don't blame him for hating it).  He cried every day when I left him and kissed me constantly when I picked him up (I secretly loved this part, by the way).  He didn't nap there and many times, when it was time to come home, I found him in a somber daze, sitting in a chair or swing.  On the days he stayed at home, he was a different child.  He was happy, babbled constantly, and always had a smile on his face.  It wasn't the daycare's fault.  They just didn't have an appropriate classroom for him.

"Fitting in"...isn't that a constant struggle for children with special needs?  It breaks my heart that our society hasn't fully allowed these children (who are made in God's image, by the way) to be a part of a normal society.  How many times have we given a disgusted look or thought at the adult in a wheelchair who is protesting or complaining about the rights of the disabled?  I bet more times than we are willing to admit.  Think about this...their struggle quite possibly could have started when they were just a baby.  How would you feel if you never really "fit in"? 

My heart aches for Charley because I know he loves to be with children his own age, even though he can't necessarily do everything they can do.  I have asked Charley's therapists to be honest with me and tell me what his capabilities may realistically be in a few months.  The initial goal of moving him to the "big boy" classroom in January is quickly approaching and sadly, will probably pass us by. 

But, TODAY I am praising God that: 
1.)  I have been blessed with the opportunity to stay home with my child and be the one to teach him about all sorts of things, especially that Jesus loves him JUST the way he is.
2.)  I have a husband that is willing to work so that I can stay home and that I have a mother that is willing to spend time with Charley when I need time away or to work a few hours.
3.)He trusted Curtis and I with this precious little life.  Charley is our most treasured blessing.  He is our SON.

I see lots of fun days for Charley and I in the future.  I am excited to see him grow and mature into a young man that loves the Lord, no matter his circumstances.  I am honored and willing to join God in this journey in raising Charley to know Him more.

Love to ya,
Shell



Momma's "Big Boy"



Are you kiddin'?  I'm no BABY!

Charley- after a day spent with Mommy!

Isaac - "He Laughs"!

 


ADOPTION DAY!

Genesis 21:5-6 (The Message)  Abraham was a hundred years old when his son Isaac was born.  Sarah said, God has blessed me with laughter and all who get the news will laugh with me!

On August 3rd, 2011, Charley officially became Charles Isaac Prichard.  This had already happened long before in our hearts, but on this day, the state of Nebraska made it so with a piece of paper and a court hearing.  I had looked forward to the day with happy anticipation, but didn't really think it would make much difference in how my heart felt about adopting a child.  It was just part of the process, or at least that how I was feeling.  My excitement was more about spending time with our good friends that we had left behind in Omaha.  Roger and Denise (Bompa and Nonna Friesen) and Ethan and Sadie (Aunt Dee) are precious friends that stopped their busy lives to spend the whole day celebrating with us.  They had planned our day from the moment we stepped off the plane to the minute we would board the plane back to Missouri.  So...was the day going to make me feel any different?  More like a REAL mom (something I have struggled with at times)?  Well, I didn't think so, but BOY, WAS I WRONG!

It hit me early the next morning when I woke up, sat up in bed, turned to Curtis and said, "I'm a MOM!  Charley is MY SON!"  Of course, being as proud as I was, he quickly corrected me by saying, "He's OUR SON and I'm a DAD!"  My heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest.  I was so completely full of joy.  Don't you think that's how Jesus feels when we chose him as our saviour?!  I'm positive that he rejoices in the fact that he is once again, a DAD!  WE are now His SONS and DAUGHTERS! Immediately, I silently thanked God profusely for this amazing gift.  He chose ME to be a MOM.  Not only a mom, but CHARLEY'S mom.  That's no mistake.  God knew exactly what he had in mind.  And you know why I can be sure of that?  Jeremiah 29:11-12 :  "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."  God knew that despite my flaws and my disappointments in life, that I was exactly the right mom for Charley.  Even through the heartache of seeing foster children leave our home to go back to terrible living conditions, watching professors treat my husband with disrespect, experiencing health issues, and working in one of the most stressful environments for the past few years, God had a plan.  I have to be honest and say that I didn't always trust him to come through with that plan like I should have.  But, thankfully, He has grace enough to forgive me. 

Charley completes our family.  God has sealed us together in the most awesome way.  One way for Curtis and I to express our commitment to Charley was for us to give him a middle name.  God literally placed it on our hearts one Sunday morning in church to call him "Isaac".  For those of you who don't know, Isaac was Abraham and Sarah's first son.  Abraham was 100 and Sarah was 90 when Isaac was born!! They didn't believe God when he told them that they would have a son, but sure enough...it happened! We are well aware of the fact that we are "older parents" (especially when I climb the stairs 50 times a day with Charley in tow!) and it was a process (to say the least) in accepting the idea of being responsible for a teenager at retirement age! Curtis and I love that little guy with all our hearts.  And, surprisingly to me, I believe he loves us that much too.  Isn't it cool how God can orchestrate such a beautiful thing?  God never ceases to amaze or surprise me.  I have to leave you with you with one last scripture.  It makes me chuckle every time I read it because I realize that I probably am a lot like Sarah in my unfortunate lack of faith that God will carry out his divine plan. 

Genesis 18:10-15:  Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing.  Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"  Then the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard for the Lord?  I will return to you at the appointed time next year and Sarah will have a son."

Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, "I did not laugh." 

But he said, "Yes, you did laugh."    

This scripture passage makes me chuckle every time I read it.  God knows our hearts and he really does love us enough to want a life for us full of hope and prosperity! 

We are celebrating Charley's adoption today with family and friends here in Missouri.  His grandparents are so very gracious and love him so much.  They're throwing a huge adoption party for Charley at their house.  Can this child be any more LOVED!? Nope, I don't think so!

Love to ya,
Shell

Charley and his Mom!

Charley LOVED his "Adoption Bear"

Charley and his DAD!

HAPPY ADOPTED SON!!

Introducing... DOCTOR Curtis Lane Prichard!

Dr. Curtis Lane Prichard

On Friday, May 13th, my darling husband walked across a stage, was "hooded", and officially became a Doctor of Pharmacy.  I can not tell you how proud I am of this man.  He has worked so hard for this day.  He has shown so much perseverance, determination, and stamina in finishing this degree.  He felt called by God to a task, obeyed, and now I'm so excited to see what God has in store for him as he puts his new degree into action.

I was one proud wife walking down the bleacher stairs to the front of the stage to take pictures of MY graduate.  I proudly held our son, Charley, in my arms while snapping hundreds of pictures of Curtis receiving his hood and shaking hands with the Dean of the school.  As they read Curtis's name, I instinctively shouted, "Hallelujah!!"  Immediately followed by the thought, "Did I just shout that out loud!?"  What a great day for our family!

God showed up that day in a very interesting way, and showed us that He does have a sense of humor.  First of all, Curtis graduated on Friday the 13th.  How very appropriate! :-)  Secondly, God allowed Curtis more time than any other graduate on the stage.  The camera broke right before Curtis was to shake hands with the Dean for a picture.  So, there he stood...center stage...cheesing for my camera and smirking that the "certain" professors who didn't necessarily think he could make it to this final day had to look at him just a little longer and ponder the fact that he was STILL THERE!  Hmm..."revenge is not ours". LOL!

After the hooding ceremony, we spent a wonderful evening celebrating Curtis's achievement with our good Omaha friends.  What a great day.  A day neither one of us will ever forget!

Love to ya!
Shell

Let's celebrate!

Our Next Graduate!

The Secret Life of Charley

Our Forever Family

In a few short minutes, a caseworker will arrive at our house to conduct our adoption study.  I don't know why this makes me anxious, considering we have had Charley in our house his whole 11 month life... but it does.  Seems that no matter how well you think you may be doing regarding the care of a child in your home, the "State" seems to somehow make you feel at best, adequate.  She's here...more to come...

Well, that wasn't so bad.  She was looking for "short answers" to questions that Curtis and I were anxious to answer with "long answers", so needless to say, the adoption study was sort of a let down.  To her credit, she did have most of the answers from our foster care home study.  Oh well, at least it's done and we're one step closer to ADOPTION DAY!

The mere thought of the word "adoption" still seems so surreal to me.  My friend, Merissa, frequently asks me if it feels different, now that we know that Charley will always be ours.  I'm always at a loss for words for an answer.  Caring for Charley each day doesn't feel different, but the thought that he will forever be our son still has not completely "sunk in".  As a foster parent, you live one day at a time.  Re-unification with the biological parents is always the goal.  There are bio family visits (with at least 3-5 different visitation workers), family team meetings, home visits from caseworkers, family permanency specialists, lawyers, etc...all this with the knowledge that the child may not be in your home or even in your life next year, next month, or next week.  It's a weird life for a child...a secret life.

As a foster child, no one except your caseworker, has access to your "life".  As a foster child, you have biological parents with limited rights to information, foster parents who are given information on a "need-to-know basis", and friends who aren't legally supposed to know your last name, your birth date, or any identifying information about you.  You aren't even supposed to have your picture taken.  You come into this life with no fanfare and you're barely noticed because you weren't "born" into the family with whom you've been "placed". This life seems so cold and impersonal to me.  As a foster parent, I try to follow the rules as best I can.  But, these children are just that...children.  They are special and deserve family, friends, and memories that they can call their own.

A few weeks ago, I began breaking those "rules".  I started posting Charley's pictures as my Facebook profile instead of keeping his pictures locked to "friends only".  I share his foster-to-adoption story with just about anybody that will listen (ESPECIALLY strangers!).  And, I had his 9 month pictures taken with his niece, Chloe. I'm even planning to cut his hair! <gasp!>  A big "no-no" in foster care!

But, the most precious, lasting memory of this new found freedom from the "secret life" will be the beautiful adoption party that our friends recently gave Charley.  There was love, hugs, kisses, lots of good friends and their kiddos, food, a cake, and gifts.  An actual "shower" for Charley!  I was brought to tears.  The love shown for this child that was born into the world in such a harsh manner was overwhelming.  He no longer felt like a "foster child".  He was "our child".   

Charley is a special boy with a full, exciting life ahead of him.  I pray that he will be lead to make others feel as special and loved as he feels.  No more secret life of Charley...

Love to ya!
Shell


My smile says it all - This party made me so happy. :-)



Our Chosen Son

On March 25th, at 8:15 am, Charley's biological parents traveled through snowy streets to the downtown courthouse, where they signed papers, in front of a judge, that would forever relinquish their rights to him.  The "termination of rights" hearing was scheduled to take place that morning, if the parents failed or refused to sign the papers.  The TPR hearing would have meant an appeals process with Charley being caught in "the system" for possibly more than a year.  My thoughts were so conflicted that day.  I didn't sleep the night before, and the next morning, I waited anxiously by the phone to hear if I needed to drive to the courthouse for the hearing.  I had been subpoenaed, and would have to testify if the parents did not sign the relinquishment.  I prayed that, if it was God's will, Charley would no longer have to be in foster care, all the while feeling a deep sadness for his biological mother.  What a sad, difficult day for her.  My anxiety level was at an all time high...I can't begin to imagine what she was going through.

At 11:30 am, I received the call that the relinquishment papers had been signed.  Now, the hard part... I asked the caseworker to allow Curtis and I to have some time to process what just happened, and discuss and pray about our decision to adopt.  He reluctantly agreed, but as we explained where our hearts and minds were, he began to understand.  As foster parents, Curtis and I have loved each child that has been placed in our home.  We love and treat them as our own.  With that being said, I honestly admit that we both reserve a "sliver" of our hearts because the ultimate goal in foster care is re-unification. There's also the chance that the child will be reunited into an unsafe or unpleasant environment.  We have felt the pain of loss and fear for a child that we loved dearly.  It was not something we were eager to experience again. 

Long story a little shorter...3 weeks later, after a "billion" prayers (literally! There were SO MANY people praying for us besides our own prayers!), lots of tears, laughs, discussions, wise counsel from our dear friends, and time spent alone with God, we made the decision TO ADOPT OUR PRECIOUS SON! 

For me, the best part of this story is seeing the dramatic change that God has orchestrated in my husband's life.  Thankfully, he was unwilling to make the decision unless he knew that it was God's will.  Yes, this was very difficult for me.  I strongly felt that adopting Charley was what we were supposed to do, but God knew He needed to be the one to nudge us to His one and perfect path for our lives.  For three weeks, I prayed for God to keep me silent (as much as that was possible :-) ), mold my heart to His will, and give me the strength and determination to respect my husband as head of our household, no matter what decision the Lord would give him.  It was NOT easy...but the rewards are GREAT!

I see a love that a father has for his son.  A side of my husband I never knew.  He has put his whole heart into being a "Dad" and it's a wonderful thing to watch.  Tonight, Curtis was holding Charley while I was doing some things in the kitchen.  As I walked into the room where they were, I had to hold back tears.  Charley was snuggled up to his Daddy, with heavy eyes and a satisfied grin.  Curtis asked me if I thought there was any chance that something could keep the adoption from happening.  At this point, we've been reassured that it's near impossible.  His response was, "I just don't know what I would do.  He's my son now. That would be devastating."   I later shared with Curtis that fear has popped into my head a few times this week about explaining the adoption to Charley.  How will he feel?  Will he still be happy with us?  Will he understand?  Curtis's response was perfect.  "I'm not worried at all.  We will tell him as soon as he's able to understand.  We will tell him that he was CHOSEN.  We CHOSE HIM to be our SON!....Sound familiar?  GOD CHOSE US to be his sons and daughters.  What a glorious gift we have the blessed opportunity to pass on! 

For He chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.  In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will...Ephesians 1:4-5 NIV

Love to ya!

Shell



Ready for a day at the park - April 2011





Headed to the Hobby Farm to see the baby ducks!



Charley - 9 months

Be of Good Cheer...



Rosie and PoPo


"Be of Good Cheer...You have Forever altered the life of a child! Happy Birthday Rosie."  read the card on the roses that were delivered to me today. <big sigh>  It's Rosie's (Claudia's) 3rd birthday today.  I can not believe she's three.  By now, she's walking, talking, laughing at funny words-not just at funny faces...all things she wasn't doing yet when she left our home.  I try to picture what she might look like now, but it's difficult to imagine...or maybe just too hard to let my heart linger there.

I learned a lot about myself and my faith through Rosie and the experiences that came with caring for her.  I learned to love more deeply, accept more graciously, and most of all, be grateful for God's infinite love for me AND for those who seemed to be carelessly doing their job when it came to the safety and well-being of this child that I loved.  I learned that only God knows "the big picture".  What I don't understand, He does. 

I hope, with all my heart, that Rosie had the BEST birthday party filled with family, friends, laughter, presents, and happiness.  If it was a not-so-happy day, I pray that she finds and holds onto the love and comfort that she felt while she was our "little".  I know it's there.  And if she can't find it now, she will some day. 

My dear sweet husband, remembered this special day by sending me the beautiful roses with the card that deeply touched my heart.  You remember every year, and for that, I can't thank you enough.

Love to ya,
Shell

"You're No Papa Lewis!"



Me & my PaPa



A few blog posts ago, I wrote about Curtis calling me his "Little Althie".  This is a sweet gesture, but sometimes he follows it up with, "And I'm PaPa Lewis".  He says it because he's comparing himself to the description I've given him of my PaPa's wonderful disposition.  I immediately say, "NO, you are no PaPa Lewis!  That's for sure!"  All the while quietly thinking, "Really...no man has ever measured up to my PaPa." (ok, well, my Dad comes in at a close second. But, hey!  He was my PaPa!)

My PaPa Lewis loved me unconditionally, and I knew it.  Even at a very young age.  I remember sitting on his lap while he sat in his rocker, taking in the pipe smell and feeling very safe and loved.  We played games, went for walks, played "rib getter" (anybody remember that?) and at the end of the day...Nannie would let crawl up in the bed on her side and snuggle up to my PaPa.  My favorite part of the day.  PaPa was the kindest, most gentle man I ever knew.  He treated me like his own, but really, I wasn't.  PaPa was my grandpa only by marriage.  He wasn't a blood relative so he had no obligation to love me or treat me like a grandchild.  But, he chose to love me.  He chose to love me more than if I was his own.  Isn't that what love is all about?  No conditions, no blood lines, just pure love for each other because, ultimately, we are all God's children.  We are all one in his family.  Oh, and by the way...I would never tell the other grandkids, but I always considered myself his favorite! ;-)

As I reflect upon the love my PaPa so graciously lavished upon me, I realize that he taught me an invaluable lesson.  Loving, unconditionally and without hesitation, can bring joy and blessings beyond measure.  I feel this because I love Curtis and because I love Charley.  My family.  Neither of them a blood relative, but it doesn't matter.  They are a part of me.  A part of my heart and a part of my soul.  I'm sure that's how my PaPa felt.  I could see it in his actions and hear it in his words. 

So, to my dear sweet husband..."Yes, you ARE my 'PaPa Lewis'".  You are the love that I felt from him.  You are MY unconditional love, MY joy, and MY blessing.  Thank you for loving me with all your heart and allowing me to love you just the same. 

Love to ya,
Shell

Me, Nannie, and Papa (Mother's Day 1971)



Me and my precious husband



"Baby's Day"

I chuckle a little when I say this phrase, as it has a couple of different meanings for me.  The one that comes to mind first involves 3 puppet characters named, "Taa", "Dee" and "Ed".  It's one of Charley's favorite baby DVDs. I often find myself humming the music of this DVD and then ultimately trying to replace it with a less 'intrusive" tune.  The storyline of the "Baby's Day" DVD follows a day in the life of a child.  Honestly, it's actually pretty calming with it's soothing music, showing various babies waking up, bathing, eating, playing, being cuddled and eventually being tucked in bed for the night. 

I liked watching this video with Charley until a few days ago...then reality set in for me.  Charley is almost 8 months old and he's becoming more and more aware of his environment.  More often than not, he will come home in distress from a visit with his bio parents.  He's fussy, wants to be left alone, sleeps a lot, and doesn't eat much.  My heart breaks for him each time I see him this way.  But how do I "fix" it for him?  Isn't that what a "Momma" is supposed to do?  I have raised awareness about the situation to the right people, so much so that I have pushed it to the "limit" for now with pretty much no resolution.  Unfortunately, that's foster care.  The child has no voice.

Last week, Curtis and I discussed this behavior with Charley's physical therapist.  We told him that we were concerned about his development, because he's not drinking his formula like he should and he doesn't seem motivated to sit up and play with toys.  The therapist explained that he's more than likely trying to discern what's safe and positive in his world, and what's not.  He's juggling two completely different environments, and it gets confusing for him. 

So, instead of knowing what lies ahead of him each day (like the babies in the DVD), Charley has to guess whether he will feel safe and comforted or scared and stressed.  He's scheduled to have bio visits 3 days a week for 5 hours.  This isn't consistent, so unfortunately, no matter how hard I try, he doesn't get the chance to stay on a predictable routine.  I have learned the hard way that this is very difficult for a baby. 

I cried today as I placed Charley in his car seat, bundled him up, and sent him out the door.  We had a good morning full of smiles, laughs, a bottle and baby food.  Then, soon after I put him down for a nap, the worker came to pick him up for a visit.  I cringed as I scooped the precious sleeping angel up out of his crib.  He snuggled his face into my neck, still sleeping, not knowing he was about to leave his safe and comforting environment for the day. 

My prayer to Jesus today is that Charley will soon have a life much like the happy babies on "Baby's Day".  A life where EVERY DAY of his childhood is full of love, comfort, safety, protection, and stability.  When he wakes up each day, there will be no guessing....he will just know.  Amen.

Love to ya,
Shell

What Will Chloe Remember?



Chloe & Charley - Christmas Day 2010

One of the most precious relationships to watch blossom is between Chloe and Charley.  Chloe and Charley are cousins...sort of.  Chloe met Charley when he was just a few weeks old.  I can't say that she was exactly "thrilled" to meet him, but as long as NaNa didn't hold him too much while she was around, she tolerated him.  More than anything she was curious.  She touched his hair, eyes, and skin which are all very different from hers.  She couldn't understand why he couldn't eat her yogurt puff snacks and why he always had a binky in his mouth.  During our first visit to NaNa and PaPa's house, Chloe stared at Charley a lot, pulled his binky in and out of his mouth, then walked away to play.  I think she gave Charley a kiss once or twice, but it was totally a forced act.

On our second visit, Charley was almost 5 months old.  He was able to interact with Chloe a little more, and she seemed to be even more curious.  She still didn't want NaNa to hold him, and was even more worried when her Mommy held him.  Chloe would climb into Amy's lap while she was holding Charley, and poke at his eyes, pull on his binky, and eventually, ever so lightly, start pushing him away.  Chloe would watch as NaNa would give Charley a bottle, and reach out as if she wanted to try it.  I could see "he's my babydoll" written all over her face.  Watch out Charley...next time she will have you stuffed into the babydoll stroller! (Hmmm....this sounds so familiar.  Chris, didn't someone stuff you into a babydoll highchair, when you were a baby?  Can't imagine who that could have been!)

On our last visit, Charley was nearly 7 months old.  This time, when Chloe arrived at NaNa's house, she swung open the door, screamed "Chaaaweeee!!" and started running through the house to find him.  So sweet.  Even though a teeny bit of jealousy still existed, Chloe was ready to be Charley's "best bud".  Almost every other word out of Chloe's mouth was "Chaaawee".  She wanted to be where he was, and do what he was doing.  She desperately wanted to get into the crib with him during nap time, she wore his hat on her head, she kissed him without being prompted, and she even reached out her little arms to hold him.  This made me proud to see how accepting she was of Charley.  Even though he looks different, he takes some of NaNa and PaPa's attention away, and he's not yet big enough to play much with her.

What will Chloe remember about Charley?  We don't know how long he will be with us or how many more times Chloe will see him.  I know that she thinks of him, even though he's not there.  She walks into the nursery at NaNa's house, looks into the crib, and says, "Chaawee gone?".  Her Mommy has found her with a binky in her mouth on a few occasions (Why not? Chaawee has one!). And, when she sees pictures of Charley, she is quick to recognize him.  What if Charley is her cousin permanently?  Will she love him like he's her REAL cousin.  I tend to think so.  I see a vein of compassion running through Chloe even at her young age.  It's the same compassion I see in her Daddy and in her PaPa.  She's accepting of Charley, even though he's not just like her.  His skin and hair are different, and because of his chromosome deletion, there's a possibility that he may not be able to always do what everyone else can do.  I think, intuitively, she will always know this and accept it.  I would bet money that given the chance, she will be his biggest cheerleader. 

I love watching the world through the eyes of children.  They are so accepting and sometimes wise beyond measure.  I'm sure that Jesus uses children to teach us important lessons about love and acceptance.  Thank you, Chloe, for loving "Chaawee" and accepting him just the way he is.  I hope that someday he can see and understand that love and love you right back.

Love to ya,
Shell

BFF's!

"So what's so great about this binky?"

Sharing a little love with Nana and PaPa

Halloween 2010 - Both tired and cranky and NOT wanting to be in costume!

October 2010

"Why is MY NaNa holding YOU!?"

One Sick Momma Caring for One Sick Family




My family - Christmas 2010

   I intended on writing this post 4 days ago, but as the title implies...I've been one busy bee.  On the second day of our Christmas vacation in Missouri, I started getting sick, followed by Charley, and eventually by Christmas day, Curtis was sick.  We were pretty much just struggling with cold symptoms, body aches, and exhaustion (due to Charley waking up early every day-he just knew he was going to miss something at Grandma's house!)  Our last day in Missouri was spent in bed.  All three of us, curled up together in one bed, trying to breathe through our stuffy noses, and not wake each other with our coughs.  As a mom, it was sweet to have my little family all snuggled in bed together.  I just wished I had felt better!

By the time we arrived back home in Omaha, Charley was better, but Curtis and I were still hanging on to the nasty cough.  I eventually started feeling better, but Curtis took a turn for the worse.  His cold had somehow turned into pneumonia.  So here we are, more than two weeks later, and "mom" is still on "nurse-maid active duty".  Oh, and did I mention that Charley has decided to start teething in addition to having his sleep schedule completely turned around since coming home from vacation?  Coffee, Diet Pepsi, and quick jaunts outside in the cold air have kept me going for the last few days.  Wonder how long that will last? :-)

You are probably thinking, "Wow, what a complainer.  We all have difficult days now and then."  Well, just to be clear, I'm actually not complaining (well, maybe a "teeny" bit), but I'm writing all of this down to remind myself.  Remind myself that God has blessed me immensely with a wonderful, loving husband and a sweet, beautiful foster son, both of whom I love with all my heart.  God has given me the opportunity to show them this love by caring for them, even when I feel like going to bed and pulling the covers over my head!  He won't give me more than I can handle...physically or emotionally.  And, I know he's always with me, walking along side me, probably even cheering me on. 

I thank God for my circumstances...the good and the bad.  Hopefully, I use them all to grow a little bit in Him.  As I wrap this up, I'm reveling in the "quiet".  Curtis and Charley (and Sheba) are sleeping, Sebastian the cat is outside, the TV is off, and all I hear is the furnace running.  God is here. In fact, I can imagine him sitting here in the living room with me, smiling, saying, "See, it's all good.  Just keep trusting me." 

Love to ya,
Shell