"Baby's Day"

I chuckle a little when I say this phrase, as it has a couple of different meanings for me.  The one that comes to mind first involves 3 puppet characters named, "Taa", "Dee" and "Ed".  It's one of Charley's favorite baby DVDs. I often find myself humming the music of this DVD and then ultimately trying to replace it with a less 'intrusive" tune.  The storyline of the "Baby's Day" DVD follows a day in the life of a child.  Honestly, it's actually pretty calming with it's soothing music, showing various babies waking up, bathing, eating, playing, being cuddled and eventually being tucked in bed for the night. 

I liked watching this video with Charley until a few days ago...then reality set in for me.  Charley is almost 8 months old and he's becoming more and more aware of his environment.  More often than not, he will come home in distress from a visit with his bio parents.  He's fussy, wants to be left alone, sleeps a lot, and doesn't eat much.  My heart breaks for him each time I see him this way.  But how do I "fix" it for him?  Isn't that what a "Momma" is supposed to do?  I have raised awareness about the situation to the right people, so much so that I have pushed it to the "limit" for now with pretty much no resolution.  Unfortunately, that's foster care.  The child has no voice.

Last week, Curtis and I discussed this behavior with Charley's physical therapist.  We told him that we were concerned about his development, because he's not drinking his formula like he should and he doesn't seem motivated to sit up and play with toys.  The therapist explained that he's more than likely trying to discern what's safe and positive in his world, and what's not.  He's juggling two completely different environments, and it gets confusing for him. 

So, instead of knowing what lies ahead of him each day (like the babies in the DVD), Charley has to guess whether he will feel safe and comforted or scared and stressed.  He's scheduled to have bio visits 3 days a week for 5 hours.  This isn't consistent, so unfortunately, no matter how hard I try, he doesn't get the chance to stay on a predictable routine.  I have learned the hard way that this is very difficult for a baby. 

I cried today as I placed Charley in his car seat, bundled him up, and sent him out the door.  We had a good morning full of smiles, laughs, a bottle and baby food.  Then, soon after I put him down for a nap, the worker came to pick him up for a visit.  I cringed as I scooped the precious sleeping angel up out of his crib.  He snuggled his face into my neck, still sleeping, not knowing he was about to leave his safe and comforting environment for the day. 

My prayer to Jesus today is that Charley will soon have a life much like the happy babies on "Baby's Day".  A life where EVERY DAY of his childhood is full of love, comfort, safety, protection, and stability.  When he wakes up each day, there will be no guessing....he will just know.  Amen.

Love to ya,
Shell

What Will Chloe Remember?



Chloe & Charley - Christmas Day 2010

One of the most precious relationships to watch blossom is between Chloe and Charley.  Chloe and Charley are cousins...sort of.  Chloe met Charley when he was just a few weeks old.  I can't say that she was exactly "thrilled" to meet him, but as long as NaNa didn't hold him too much while she was around, she tolerated him.  More than anything she was curious.  She touched his hair, eyes, and skin which are all very different from hers.  She couldn't understand why he couldn't eat her yogurt puff snacks and why he always had a binky in his mouth.  During our first visit to NaNa and PaPa's house, Chloe stared at Charley a lot, pulled his binky in and out of his mouth, then walked away to play.  I think she gave Charley a kiss once or twice, but it was totally a forced act.

On our second visit, Charley was almost 5 months old.  He was able to interact with Chloe a little more, and she seemed to be even more curious.  She still didn't want NaNa to hold him, and was even more worried when her Mommy held him.  Chloe would climb into Amy's lap while she was holding Charley, and poke at his eyes, pull on his binky, and eventually, ever so lightly, start pushing him away.  Chloe would watch as NaNa would give Charley a bottle, and reach out as if she wanted to try it.  I could see "he's my babydoll" written all over her face.  Watch out Charley...next time she will have you stuffed into the babydoll stroller! (Hmmm....this sounds so familiar.  Chris, didn't someone stuff you into a babydoll highchair, when you were a baby?  Can't imagine who that could have been!)

On our last visit, Charley was nearly 7 months old.  This time, when Chloe arrived at NaNa's house, she swung open the door, screamed "Chaaaweeee!!" and started running through the house to find him.  So sweet.  Even though a teeny bit of jealousy still existed, Chloe was ready to be Charley's "best bud".  Almost every other word out of Chloe's mouth was "Chaaawee".  She wanted to be where he was, and do what he was doing.  She desperately wanted to get into the crib with him during nap time, she wore his hat on her head, she kissed him without being prompted, and she even reached out her little arms to hold him.  This made me proud to see how accepting she was of Charley.  Even though he looks different, he takes some of NaNa and PaPa's attention away, and he's not yet big enough to play much with her.

What will Chloe remember about Charley?  We don't know how long he will be with us or how many more times Chloe will see him.  I know that she thinks of him, even though he's not there.  She walks into the nursery at NaNa's house, looks into the crib, and says, "Chaawee gone?".  Her Mommy has found her with a binky in her mouth on a few occasions (Why not? Chaawee has one!). And, when she sees pictures of Charley, she is quick to recognize him.  What if Charley is her cousin permanently?  Will she love him like he's her REAL cousin.  I tend to think so.  I see a vein of compassion running through Chloe even at her young age.  It's the same compassion I see in her Daddy and in her PaPa.  She's accepting of Charley, even though he's not just like her.  His skin and hair are different, and because of his chromosome deletion, there's a possibility that he may not be able to always do what everyone else can do.  I think, intuitively, she will always know this and accept it.  I would bet money that given the chance, she will be his biggest cheerleader. 

I love watching the world through the eyes of children.  They are so accepting and sometimes wise beyond measure.  I'm sure that Jesus uses children to teach us important lessons about love and acceptance.  Thank you, Chloe, for loving "Chaawee" and accepting him just the way he is.  I hope that someday he can see and understand that love and love you right back.

Love to ya,
Shell

BFF's!

"So what's so great about this binky?"

Sharing a little love with Nana and PaPa

Halloween 2010 - Both tired and cranky and NOT wanting to be in costume!

October 2010

"Why is MY NaNa holding YOU!?"

One Sick Momma Caring for One Sick Family




My family - Christmas 2010

   I intended on writing this post 4 days ago, but as the title implies...I've been one busy bee.  On the second day of our Christmas vacation in Missouri, I started getting sick, followed by Charley, and eventually by Christmas day, Curtis was sick.  We were pretty much just struggling with cold symptoms, body aches, and exhaustion (due to Charley waking up early every day-he just knew he was going to miss something at Grandma's house!)  Our last day in Missouri was spent in bed.  All three of us, curled up together in one bed, trying to breathe through our stuffy noses, and not wake each other with our coughs.  As a mom, it was sweet to have my little family all snuggled in bed together.  I just wished I had felt better!

By the time we arrived back home in Omaha, Charley was better, but Curtis and I were still hanging on to the nasty cough.  I eventually started feeling better, but Curtis took a turn for the worse.  His cold had somehow turned into pneumonia.  So here we are, more than two weeks later, and "mom" is still on "nurse-maid active duty".  Oh, and did I mention that Charley has decided to start teething in addition to having his sleep schedule completely turned around since coming home from vacation?  Coffee, Diet Pepsi, and quick jaunts outside in the cold air have kept me going for the last few days.  Wonder how long that will last? :-)

You are probably thinking, "Wow, what a complainer.  We all have difficult days now and then."  Well, just to be clear, I'm actually not complaining (well, maybe a "teeny" bit), but I'm writing all of this down to remind myself.  Remind myself that God has blessed me immensely with a wonderful, loving husband and a sweet, beautiful foster son, both of whom I love with all my heart.  God has given me the opportunity to show them this love by caring for them, even when I feel like going to bed and pulling the covers over my head!  He won't give me more than I can handle...physically or emotionally.  And, I know he's always with me, walking along side me, probably even cheering me on. 

I thank God for my circumstances...the good and the bad.  Hopefully, I use them all to grow a little bit in Him.  As I wrap this up, I'm reveling in the "quiet".  Curtis and Charley (and Sheba) are sleeping, Sebastian the cat is outside, the TV is off, and all I hear is the furnace running.  God is here. In fact, I can imagine him sitting here in the living room with me, smiling, saying, "See, it's all good.  Just keep trusting me." 

Love to ya,
Shell