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Our Forever Family
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In a few short minutes, a caseworker will arrive at our house to conduct our adoption study. I don't know why this makes me anxious, considering we have had Charley in our house his whole 11 month life... but it does. Seems that no matter how well you think you may be doing regarding the care of a child in your home, the "State" seems to somehow make you feel at best, adequate. She's here...more to come...
Well, that wasn't so bad. She was looking for "short answers" to questions that Curtis and I were anxious to answer with "long answers", so needless to say, the adoption study was sort of a let down. To her credit, she did have most of the answers from our foster care home study. Oh well, at least it's done and we're one step closer to ADOPTION DAY!
The mere thought of the word "adoption" still seems so surreal to me. My friend, Merissa, frequently asks me if it feels different, now that we know that Charley will always be ours. I'm always at a loss for words for an answer. Caring for Charley each day doesn't feel different, but the thought that he will forever be our son still has not completely "sunk in". As a foster parent, you live one day at a time. Re-unification with the biological parents is always the goal. There are bio family visits (with at least 3-5 different visitation workers), family team meetings, home visits from caseworkers, family permanency specialists, lawyers, etc...all this with the knowledge that the child may not be in your home or even in your life next year, next month, or next week. It's a weird life for a child...a secret life.
As a foster child, no one except your caseworker, has access to your "life". As a foster child, you have biological parents with limited rights to information, foster parents who are given information on a "need-to-know basis", and friends who aren't legally supposed to know your last name, your birth date, or any identifying information about you. You aren't even supposed to have your picture taken. You come into this life with no fanfare and you're barely noticed because you weren't "born" into the family with whom you've been "placed". This life seems so cold and impersonal to me. As a foster parent, I try to follow the rules as best I can. But, these children are just that...children. They are special and deserve family, friends, and memories that they can call their own.
A few weeks ago, I began breaking those "rules". I started posting Charley's pictures as my Facebook profile instead of keeping his pictures locked to "friends only". I share his foster-to-adoption story with just about anybody that will listen (ESPECIALLY strangers!). And, I had his 9 month pictures taken with his niece, Chloe. I'm even planning to cut his hair! <gasp!> A big "no-no" in foster care!
But, the most precious, lasting memory of this new found freedom from the "secret life" will be the beautiful adoption party that our friends recently gave Charley. There was love, hugs, kisses, lots of good friends and their kiddos, food, a cake, and gifts. An actual "shower" for Charley! I was brought to tears. The love shown for this child that was born into the world in such a harsh manner was overwhelming. He no longer felt like a "foster child". He was "our child".
Charley is a special boy with a full, exciting life ahead of him. I pray that he will be lead to make others feel as special and loved as he feels. No more secret life of Charley...
Love to ya!
Shell
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| My smile says it all - This party made me so happy. :-) |
