Shoe Shopping...sort of...

Charley and I went shoe shopping this afternoon.  Sounds glamorous, I know. But, it wasn't.  My plan for our shopping trip was carefully thought out and planned down to the last diaper change and the minutes left before a possible meltdown.  I thought I had this one.  Charley, unfortunately, did not have shoe shopping on his list of "to do's" today.

I knew this could possibly end in disaster, as we weren't just shopping for shoes. We were shopping for shoes that would fit over the new orthotics that he is to start wearing.  I tried the easy route of going without him and sticking the orthotics into the shoe, thinking I could find the correct size and make it work.  Wrong...So, I drive to two different stores with Charley in tote, the stroller, the orthotics (which are very bulky by the way, and extend above his ankle) and a pair of socks.  We WILL get this done!

As soon as we enter the first store, Charley starts to fuss...I'm not surprised but I get anxious to get he process moving a little faster.  I try three different shoes all while trying to wrestle him on the floor and chase him around the store, as he waddles around with a shoe on one foot and just an orthotic on the other.  This was more drama than it sounds, given the expression on the store clerk's face and her nervousness as I twist, push, and pull on his leg and foot to get all of this "gear" to fit together.  No luck...on to the next shoe store. <sigh>

Before we left the second store, Charley had dropped (ok...thrown) several CheezIts on the floor and was pacing up and down the same short aisle, head cocked, arms out, and with his talk/cry on the loudest setting.  At one point, I sat on the floor, in the CheezIts, and watched my "special needs" child, tears barely held back.  I absolutely love this child.  Seeing him struggle with seemingly easy tasks and become overwhelmed with situations and environments that we take for granted breaks my heart.  I watched him calm himself by focusing in on the black and white striped shoe boxes all lined up on the shelf, and try to walk with the new bulky orthotics and shoes that "Momma" had made him wear...feeling guilty.  Guilty for not doing enough, for not being able to "make it better".  Guilty for feeling that all along "WE chose Charley", when in that moment, I realized, "GOD CHOSE CHARLEY FOR US". 

God knew that I couldn't do it without HIM.  There is no way I could be Charley's mom and take care of his needs without HIS provision and guidance.  I believe that God not only placed Charley in our lives because Charley needed a good, loving home...but He knew that we needed Charley, so that HE could carry out his plan for our lives and use us for HIS will.

The day ended with Charley being extra happy with his new shoes and being much more steady on his feet.  And I caught another glimpse of God's path for me.  That's how I get it...little glimpses that lead me on in the direction He has for me.  I changed my blog's title today to reflect how I see this perfect, chromosome-deleted blessing that we call Charley.  He's not a child with "special needs"...He's a LIFE SPECIAL...a NEED LOVED.

Love to ya!
Shell