Ater entering the elevator to the 6th floor, a rush of people shoved their way in just as the doors closed. I held my breath as I scanned the people looking for those who may be less than happy that I'm attending the hearing. Safe...everyone exited on the 4th floor. The elevator stopped on the 6th floor, I walked down the hall, and opened the door to the juvenile court waiting area. I found myself thinking, "Do I need to duck, dash, or dive under one of the benches to hide?", and actually WHISPERING to the receptionist my name and relationship to Charley. Safe again...Charley's bio parents were not there, so there was no chance of a confrontation...yet.
When they called our case to the court room, I stood up, held my head high, and thought to myself, "I can do this. For Charley". We walked down a hallway, passing another court room entrance where, over a year ago, I last saw my precious baby, Claudia. I felt my knees and heart buckle a little, but I continued on with renewed strength (thanks, God).
There were lots of people in the court room, some who were introduced, others remaining nameless. A ton of documents were submitted and announced that concerned Charley's siblings, but nothing that sounded remotely familiar or having anything to do with Charley. No one asked me who I was, or why I was there. I was selfishly fuming, mumbling to myself, "IIIIII am the one who is with him ALL the time. Doesn't anyone care what I have to say about Charley?!" The answer was obvious, but I sure felt better as I mouthed the words into the wall next to me.
After about 5 minutes of trying to hear what the judge and lawyers were saying (it's very loud in a court room full of people, and it's near impossible to hear what's going on), we were abruptly dismissed and everyone hurriedly filed out. I was confused, worried, and didn't understand what, if anything, had been decided. For an instant, I was taken back to one of the last court dates we attended for Claudia. My parents were with us and it was very difficult to hear what the judge was saying. The dismal was abrupt, just like this one, and being a worried Dad/PaPa, my father kept asking, "What just happened?". As we left the courthouse, all I could say through tears and a huge lump in my throat was, "She's going home, Dad"....Wow, the memories we attach to places. A small piece of my soul had been left on the 6th floor of the courthouse a year ago for Claudia, and now another piece would be left there for Charley.
Nothing was decided yesterday. Apparently, a continuance was granted for Charley's case, because his caseworker was in another court room and couldn't attend the hearing. So, here we are...3 1/2 months into his little life, and absolutely nothing has been done to decide his fate. His future's in limbo. If you're not familiar with the "system"...it's unfortunately, "par for the course". The most innocent and vulnerable are many times, the ones we think of last. Isn't that true in so many areas of life? Think about it. We're all guilty of it. This just brings it to the surface and a little "closer to home". "Lord, forgive me for not loving like You love...no favorites".
I picked up Charley after court yesterday from my dear friend's house. When I saw him, I hugged him a little tighter, kissed him a little more, and loved him up "real good". This is his fate for now...with Curtis and I. We have the blessing of watching him grow, develop his little personality, and learn to love in a big way.
For this, I am thankful.
Love to ya!
Shell
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